From Lines to Trenches

Something has been weighing on my mind lately. I have been watching from the sidelines while my friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers whose voices I hear–tear each other apart with words. With acid, hate, fear, and anger they cry injustice. They cry out for need of help. But this whimper is underlaid by a razor whip that is shaming. It hurts to be called out in any way for a crime we did not feel like we committed. The feeling of being marginalized for no reason at all is crushing. The anger and hate we receive from those we never met stings. And the contempt we feel from those we love sears. This world is on fire. Both literally and figuratively. Never could I have imagined a world where hate takes the center stage and shame is used as a weapon used to dethrone kings and crush pawns. It breaks my heart, because behind that sword of shame that is used to cut me down I can hear the plea for help. 

Growing up in a very religious region where obedience had almost climaxed to pharisaical proportions I began to hear lash back from the younger generation. They cried out about how members of their congregation were so judgmental. With some, the pain and resentment from being wounded by those who claimed to be righteous grew so intense that they fought against it with all their might. 

Having always skirted the lines drawn in the sand by those around me, the irony did not escape me. Those who hated being judged began to judge the judgers without realizing it. Then their former friends and neighbors would act likewise towards them. To be treated so unjustly is not fair. Greater alliances of us versus them began to rise and the lines began to grow deeper and thicker. So deep and thick that I now find myself in a deep trench where it is dark and I am unheard. Yet, I must speak. 

Shame has always been a part of our society. I feel like it is ingrained into the human race. To feel shame is to say that, "I am a bad person." Rather than, "I did a bad thing." To throw shame is to say, "you are a bad person." instead of, "you did a bad thing." To be told this over and over again by someone is damaging, it is hurtful, and it almost always causes ones quarry to either fight or flight. 

Recently, this shame calling has been rising in volume. It is beginning to permeate every facet of society, especially politics. I cannot say who it started with, but the retaliations continue to elevate and is only amplified by the recent advent and popularity of social media. 

"But if they shamed me, they deserve to be shamed." Or "They did a terrible thing–so it is justice." Deserve, or not deserve. Shame is not the same thing as justice. Shame is a weapon that is volatile, without mercy, without justice, it is not a tool, only a weapon of a destruction that is mutually assured. Unfortunately, the megaphone of shame is the only medium in which we feel ourselves heard anymore. So we use it to send out our message. Yes, we are heard, but only those who already agree with us listen; and it widens the fissures that divide us. 

Unfortunately, we cannot fight shame with shame. The only thing we can fight it with is compassion. Which in reality, is like whispering in a room where people are screaming. So, do we destroy the world to prove that we were right? Or do we do what is right despite the fact that we will likely be unheard and unnoticed in a world that is burning around us? 

I, for one, choose compassion. 

With this soapbox it might help to break down what I mean. 

1. Compassion is not reserved, we must do our best to give it to all. Friend and foe alike. From the kindest person we know to the person who has generated the greatest atrocities. 
2. Compassion does not mean there can be no justice. If a crime is committed, justice should be pursued. But you can have compassion toward the one who committed the crime. No matter its severity. 
3. Compassion means to hear and listen. Only to speak when solicited. As strange as it may sound. This is when you will be heard. What is even stranger, those who would commit grievous crimes are more likely to not do so when they feel like they can speak freely without being scorned. 
4. Shame is a creator of silence. Not peace. But the inability to speak and hear. Those who throw it cannot hear. Those who feel it cannot speak. It is noise so deafening that the message is lost and those who should hear it, never will. 
5. If compassion is something elusive for you, the best place to start is with the people who have hurt you most. Identify their pain, forgive them, and speak kindly or of hope towards them. This does not mean you have to allow them back into your life. It is someone who is harmful or toxic, continue to keep your distance. 
6. Compassion will often go unheard. It will often only make small differences. But these small differences are ones that will last and may pass from generation to generation.
7. Shame is heard almost everywhere but it creates ill content and is short lived. It will often be treated in like and all parties involved and many innocent people around will suffer. 
8. Compassion leads to peace. Those who give and receive compassion don't often get what they deserve. But they will often feel greater portions of peace. 
9. Think of the great people in history. The ones who have come long before us. Whether they be fact or fiction. Think of why you respect them so much. Most of these people are not violent. They do not persecute others. They do not hate others. They do not throw shame in pursuit of justice. Most of these people not only have great compassion, but often embody it. 
10. Compassion is something you can only choose for yourself. You can ask others, but you have to have patience with them as they choose. It is something only taught by example and can never be forced through shame. 
11. Compassion is hard. It is not easy to always turn the other cheek. But if we want to truly be part of a better world. That is what we must do.
12. Most importantly, have compassion for yourself. It is impossible to have perfect compassion for others. When you begin to shame another, forgive yourself, and change your message. This is a lot easier said than done. 

My final thoughts. While I speak of a world full of division. I have been the benefactor of so much compassion in my life from others. There are so many of these heroes quietly making the world a better place. And to those who are currently shouting from the rooftops, I love you, and I hear you. I hope that the good that you are trying to bring about, does come about, and I hope that you find peace. 

Don't ever forget how hard if feels. How impossible and insurmountable. Hold on to this memory because one day it will feel easy. And when something is easy we might begin to believe it always was and we leave compassion behind.